Not Everyone’s Your Friend in the Lifestyle—And That’s Okay
- Dom Chase
- Mar 31
- 5 min read
Updated: Apr 11
Let’s get something out of the way right now: just because someone smiles at you, swaps with you, or parties with you doesn’t mean they’re your friend. In the swinger lifestyle, where connections blur between pleasure, friendship, energy, and desire—it’s easy to mistake proximity for loyalty, attention for intention, and flirtation for friendship.
But here's the truth no one wants to say out loud:
Not everyone in the lifestyle is here for connection. Not everyone is emotionally available, and not everyone wants to see you grow.
And guess what? That’s okay.
This is your space. Your journey. Your sexual evolution. The moment you start understanding that not everyone deserves access to your energy is the moment you reclaim your power—not just in the bedroom, but in the lifestyle as a whole.
Let’s talk about it.
The Illusion of Instant Connection
The lifestyle can feel like a whirlwind of amazing people. You meet a couple, the chemistry clicks, the drinks flow, the vibe is on point—and just like that, you’re swapping stories and fluids like besties.
It feels like friendship. It looks like friendship. Until it doesn’t.
Because the lifestyle moves fast. And with fast comes surface-level bonds disguised as real ones. When you start leveling up—maybe you start hosting events, glowing different, or just evolving spiritually—you may notice people start to pull back. Or worse, turn cold.
Why? Because your growth triggers something they haven’t dealt with yet.
Psychology Secret:
Humans are tribal. We bond based on shared comfort levels. When one person grows, it disrupts the unspoken contract. Suddenly, your evolution becomes their mirror—and that mirror can feel like a threat.
Friendship vs. Familiarity: Know the Difference
There are different levels to relationships in the lifestyle:
Play partners: You vibe sexually but don’t talk outside the bedroom.
Situational friends: You party together, but don’t really know each other.
Real friends: The ones who hold space for you even when sex isn’t on the table.
Too often, we confuse the first two with the last.
Here’s how to spot the difference:
Do they check on you after events?
Do they support your growth without making it about them?
Do they talk to you when the room is empty?
Do they respect your boundaries, even when it means not getting what they want?
If the answer is no, it’s time to reassess.
You deserve people who celebrate your shifts, not sabotage them.
When Friends Switch Up
One of the most painful truths in the lifestyle is watching people switch up on you when you start moving different.
You might start:
Getting invited to exclusive circles
Hosting your own events
Setting new boundaries
Exploring deeper parts of yourself
Suddenly the people who used to cheer you on get quiet.
Here’s why:
Your growth makes them uncomfortable. You’re no longer who they remember—and instead of evolving with you, they retreat or resent.
It’s not personal. It’s psychological.
Lifestyle Secret:
Some people only love the version of you they can benefit from. Once you become more selective with your time, access, and energy, they either adjust—or exit.
Let them.
You’re Allowed to Outgrow People
Just like your taste in kinks or partners can evolve, so can your circle.
The couple you once clicked with might no longer align with your values.
The party group that once felt like home might now feel draining.
The friend you confided in might now compete instead of connect.
Growth isn’t always sexy. It’s often lonely. But it’s also necessary.
Don’t shrink yourself to stay connected to people who don’t respect the version of you that’s leveling up.
The Sexy Psychology of Boundaries
Let’s talk real quick about boundaries—because in a space where everyone is “open,” they’re often ignored.
Boundaries are the ultimate flex. 💪🏽
They protect your peace. Your relationship. Your energy. Your elevation.
In the lifestyle, boundaries make the difference between:
Feeling drained after an event… or feeling empowered.
Letting people in out of guilt… or moving with intention.
Playing small… or living big.
People who respect your boundaries are worth keeping around. People who test them? Not so much.
Why Everyone’s In the Lifestyle for Different Reasons
Here’s another truth bomb: Not everyone’s in the lifestyle for the same reason—and that’s why shit gets weird.
Some people are here to heal. Some are here to hide. Some are here to explore love. Some are here to escape it.
When your reasons don’t match theirs, you feel it:
They ghost after deep conversations.
They twist your vulnerability into gossip.
They only come around when they need something.
It’s not you. It’s alignment.
And that’s why finding your tribe matters.
So… Where Does Planet Swirl Fit Into All This?
At Planet Swirl, we’ve seen it all. The drama. The ghosting. The cliques. The shade.
And that’s exactly why we’ve built something different.
We’re not just creating events—we’re curating experiences that attract real ones. People who move with integrity, vibe with passion, and respect every level of play, connection, and energy.
✅ We vet intentionally. ✅ We protect the vibe. ✅ We celebrate growth, sensuality, and boundaries.
Swirl isn’t just about who you f*ck—it’s about how you FEEL.
It’s the balance of sexy and safe. Fun and sacred. Wild and respectful.
We’re not perfect. But we’re intentional. And when you move with intention, you attract alignment.
How to Protect Your Peace in the Lifestyle
Here’s how to move smart in a space that sometimes isn’t:
Set your standards—and keep them high.
Pay attention to energy, not just words.
Stop pouring into cups that leak.
Create your own spaces when others don’t fit.
Only open your world to those who honor it.
Your vibe is sacred. Protect it like it’s gold—because it is.
Final Thoughts: The Real Ones Find You
This lifestyle is beautiful—but it’s also layered.
Yes, there will be fake friends. Yes, some people will leave. Yes, some connections will turn cold once you stop playing small.
But the real ones? The ones who see you, celebrate you, respect your relationship, vibe, and voice?
They’ll find you.
And when they do, the lifestyle becomes something so much deeper than sex. It becomes a place of healing, liberation, and soulful joy.
So let them fall off. Let them unfollow. Let them whisper.
You’re not here to be liked by everyone. You’re here to live boldly, love deeply, and explore freely.
And if you’re looking for a space that gets that?
👉🏽 Visit PlanetSwirl.com and join the only lifestyle movement that’s built on energy, not ego.
We’re not here for clout. We’re here for connection.
Let them be fake. You be free.
🌍🔥💋
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